I am
not in the business of seeking other mother’s out to judge them on their
decisions to make myself feel better about my own short comings. I am in the process of figuring this mothering thing
out, doing the best I can for my family based on what I know, exposing what I don’t
know and sharing my experiences along the way. Motherhood is not a competition.
I repeat: MOTHERHOOD IS NOT A COMPETITION. Because, to borrow some slang from
my x-box addicted other half, when it comes to the tricky business of
parenting, we’re all “noobs” here.
For some reason, women are so quick to jump down one another’s throats for all kinds of reasons. In my experience, when a woman says to another “This is how I do it”, the other only hears “You’re doing it wrong”. We take advice for criticism and criticism for advice. And it’s got to have something to do with the fact that we have so much emotionally invested here – it’s our children, for goodness sake. The thought that we may be doing something, anything, to their detriment is confronting, and frightening, whether we knew better at the time or not.
I’ll give you an example: Breast milk is better for babies than formula. This is a fact, inarguable and supported by a solid scientific foundation. So, maybe if you’re armed with this information, you may be more inclined to give breast feeding a chance (if you weren’t otherwise planning on it). However, instead of taking this information for what it is: (information), women who have chosen to bottle feed assume that this is a ploy to make them “feel bad” and become hostile toward the messenger. But the fact of the matter is; I can’t make you feel anything. You decide what you feel and when you decide to feel it. What’s really going on here is that you feel guilty for not being able to breast feed (for whatever reason, it doesn’t matter at this point) and you become angry at me because you don’t like to feel guilty or sad: ignorance is bliss. You also make the assumption that I am trying to convey that I am better than you because I breast fed and you didn’t. You don’t stop to consider that I could be a terrible human being in every conceivable way except for the fact that I chose to breast feed and I’m just damn lucky that it worked out for me. You might volunteer with the homeless and I spend my spare time getting my eye brows shaped and tinted. In fact, the very fact that you even feel guilty about not being able to breast feed your child speaks wonders of your character as both a mother and a human being. You want what’s best for your baby and you feel sad when you can’t provide that 100% of the time. You have a conscience, and a heart and you love your children in the same way that I love mine.
I just wish that women would let their love for their children bring them closer together more often instead of the way it seems to continually rip them apart. I post advice and information on my Facebook page and on my blog in the genuine hope that if there is anyone out there in the same situation, who might not have tried what worked for me, that this information can reach them and provide them with some relief. Why? Because I see my daughter in the face of every child on earth, knowing that her little soul could just as easily have landed in any other family. There is no real difference between my child or anyone else’s, they are all just as worthy of love, nourishment, nurturing, happiness and respect.
My Facebook page and blog are a direct reflection of every one of my struggles as a mother, partner and human being. This is me finding my way, and nothing more. Sometimes I am lucky enough to find answers, and I feel compelled to pass them on because I believe that blessings are like candles; if you don’t use your flame to ignite other people’s candles then there will be no fire left to reignite yours when it burns out. What goes around comes around, and I have a duty to create a magical life for my daughter, and I can’t do that in the dark.
So I suppose my message is this: if what I’m posting offends you, consider the reason why. Science and facts are not designed to offend, only to educate. I would never judge anyone for doing the best they could with what they knew at the time. I do not, however, make any excuses for people who know better and refuse to do better. If you fall into this category then there is no place for you here. And yes, sometimes there is no exact scientific answer. In that case, if what worked for me doesn’t work for you, that doesn’t make me wrong and you right, or vice versa – that just makes us different in that particular way. My aim here is not to be an internet troll, rather, to somehow create a virtual village where we can all support one another in the way that nature intended, but that western society does not otherwise accommodate.
Needless to say, I will not engage in nonsensical arguments with the disgruntled and I will take no responsibility for their own misinterpretation. They say that other people only ever try to bring you down because you are above them. But I think other people try to bring you down because the wounded are weak and there is strength in numbers. If this applies to you please know in advance that I’ll not be joining you in the basement, because that’s not the kind of example I want to set for my daughter.
Sincerely
Angela
For some reason, women are so quick to jump down one another’s throats for all kinds of reasons. In my experience, when a woman says to another “This is how I do it”, the other only hears “You’re doing it wrong”. We take advice for criticism and criticism for advice. And it’s got to have something to do with the fact that we have so much emotionally invested here – it’s our children, for goodness sake. The thought that we may be doing something, anything, to their detriment is confronting, and frightening, whether we knew better at the time or not.
I’ll give you an example: Breast milk is better for babies than formula. This is a fact, inarguable and supported by a solid scientific foundation. So, maybe if you’re armed with this information, you may be more inclined to give breast feeding a chance (if you weren’t otherwise planning on it). However, instead of taking this information for what it is: (information), women who have chosen to bottle feed assume that this is a ploy to make them “feel bad” and become hostile toward the messenger. But the fact of the matter is; I can’t make you feel anything. You decide what you feel and when you decide to feel it. What’s really going on here is that you feel guilty for not being able to breast feed (for whatever reason, it doesn’t matter at this point) and you become angry at me because you don’t like to feel guilty or sad: ignorance is bliss. You also make the assumption that I am trying to convey that I am better than you because I breast fed and you didn’t. You don’t stop to consider that I could be a terrible human being in every conceivable way except for the fact that I chose to breast feed and I’m just damn lucky that it worked out for me. You might volunteer with the homeless and I spend my spare time getting my eye brows shaped and tinted. In fact, the very fact that you even feel guilty about not being able to breast feed your child speaks wonders of your character as both a mother and a human being. You want what’s best for your baby and you feel sad when you can’t provide that 100% of the time. You have a conscience, and a heart and you love your children in the same way that I love mine.
I just wish that women would let their love for their children bring them closer together more often instead of the way it seems to continually rip them apart. I post advice and information on my Facebook page and on my blog in the genuine hope that if there is anyone out there in the same situation, who might not have tried what worked for me, that this information can reach them and provide them with some relief. Why? Because I see my daughter in the face of every child on earth, knowing that her little soul could just as easily have landed in any other family. There is no real difference between my child or anyone else’s, they are all just as worthy of love, nourishment, nurturing, happiness and respect.
My Facebook page and blog are a direct reflection of every one of my struggles as a mother, partner and human being. This is me finding my way, and nothing more. Sometimes I am lucky enough to find answers, and I feel compelled to pass them on because I believe that blessings are like candles; if you don’t use your flame to ignite other people’s candles then there will be no fire left to reignite yours when it burns out. What goes around comes around, and I have a duty to create a magical life for my daughter, and I can’t do that in the dark.
So I suppose my message is this: if what I’m posting offends you, consider the reason why. Science and facts are not designed to offend, only to educate. I would never judge anyone for doing the best they could with what they knew at the time. I do not, however, make any excuses for people who know better and refuse to do better. If you fall into this category then there is no place for you here. And yes, sometimes there is no exact scientific answer. In that case, if what worked for me doesn’t work for you, that doesn’t make me wrong and you right, or vice versa – that just makes us different in that particular way. My aim here is not to be an internet troll, rather, to somehow create a virtual village where we can all support one another in the way that nature intended, but that western society does not otherwise accommodate.
Needless to say, I will not engage in nonsensical arguments with the disgruntled and I will take no responsibility for their own misinterpretation. They say that other people only ever try to bring you down because you are above them. But I think other people try to bring you down because the wounded are weak and there is strength in numbers. If this applies to you please know in advance that I’ll not be joining you in the basement, because that’s not the kind of example I want to set for my daughter.
Sincerely
Angela
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